so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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