They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
