I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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