Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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