my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
