i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
