I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found your dick twin last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
