How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
