If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
