I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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