i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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