There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
why is half of my head shaved?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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