Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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