I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize