Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize