Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
