I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
