The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
