im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
