im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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