I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
