I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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