I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
