Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
