Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
