Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
