At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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