So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
