Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
