It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
