Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
