I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
