By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
