Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
only if we run a train.
done.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
