your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
