Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
