i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
