Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
