dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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