My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
