Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
