He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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