im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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