Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
