wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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