I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
