just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
