Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
