I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
