So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
