its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You can't special order awesome
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
