last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
