Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
