The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
