The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
