Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
