I wanna passion pit in your ass
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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