This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
