I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
