i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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