I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize