I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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