i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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