Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
