He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dear god my vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
