just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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