you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
