Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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