I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
