Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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