i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am one with the molecules
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
