I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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