I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
