I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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