Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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