I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
