You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
