At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
