alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
