Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
