how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
