Cold hands, warm shart.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
