so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
