You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
