girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
