i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I deserve this hangover.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize