she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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