I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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