Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
