Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
